It started with a pre paid.

I'm not sure why I decided to chronicle my thoughts on life, or why I intend to discuss my moral misgivings in such a public forum. I'm not even sure anyone will read this, and somehow I don't really care... Actually maybe I do (it's strange how writing something polarises your feelings).

I'm a pretty ordinary guy. If you met me you would probably describe me as nice, or dependable. I am a husband, a brother, a friend to a small group of people whom I have recently come to realise do not know me at all. I was raised by good parents, make that great parents. My father is a talented immigrant to Australia, nice, dependable. My mother is a stifled intellectual who sacrificed her ambition for the sake of our family. She had a strict upbringing, and is well versed in the social moral paradigm. It is perhaps her subtle subconscious subversive attitude towards social constructs which influenced my take on the world more than anything else.

Society bugs me. People are OK, but society is a faceless god which seems to govern our world. It often seems to me that to exist in society, we agree to forgo any part of ourselves that cannot be expressed within the accepted methods, and at acceptable moments. It's not just western society either, it's all societies. I understand that this is the nature of civilisation, and what affords us safety in our communities, I like that bit, but it is the part where we forget that part of ourselves which we cannot express that eats me. Constantly.

Maybe others feel the same; Maybe I will feel different in the morning.

Black Jaxon.